No More Censorship

There’s something I’ve battled with over the last few years, as I’ve worked my way through the healing journey. Something that’s leaves me feeling conflicted in a ‘did I do the right thing’ kind of paralysis. You know, the whole ‘does this sit with the values of who I am, of what I preach’ – and we all know that I’m a preacher!

Basically, it’s when it comes to speaking out about how I feel, when I feel hurt by the actions of another. I guess this is because I know that by expressing how I feel it means that it’ll leave the other person feeling upset too, which of course means that I’m then the one causing the upset – moral dilemma 101!

Personally I believe that we all have the potential to be the victim or the villain – I especially, can be reactive, judgement and hurtful at times. I know that I can also be the one who feels pain when someone is nasty, aggressive or hurtful towards me. I think we’re all somewhere along this spectrum and that we can sway along it in varying degrees, in fact I think that’s completely natural and normal to do so.

What I don’t agree with though, is people causing hurt towards another because they’re unaware that they’re doing it or because they’re not taking personal responsibility to heal their own pain.

Because this is how trauma is passed on – unconsciously.

We’re all human and most of us have negative behavioural patterns, ways that we’ve been taught to respond to certain pains in our life, certain traumas. Most of us picked up these patterns throughout our developmental stages of life and for the most part, they remain unchallenged.

The problem is when these patterns are destructive to our relationships, and we’re not even aware that we’re doing it.

Patterns such as dismissing or belittling a partner’s feelings, teasing a sibling or shouting at a colleague. What bothers me most is the censorship around this – how many of us don’t speak up when we feel hurt, so because of the unawareness it continues.

Lately I’ve committing to stopping this censorship within myself, and I invite you to do the same.

If you’re looking at where to start with this, I strongly recommend reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, by Mark Manson.

Be the one who speaks up when you experience hurtful behaviour.

Tell that person who you love – I love you but I feel upset and I no longer wanted to be treated like this.

I know what I’m asking isn’t easy but without this we’re not going to change this behaviour and we’re not going to eradicate hurtful behaviour.

To win a copy of my latest book- Scattered sign up here now. All entrants receive the first chapter of the book absolutely free anyway, and the draw for the free book will be on the 6th of March 2020.

I’m on a mission to create a greater sense wellbeing for ourselves and the planet that we live on. To teach others how to connect authentically with themselves, so they can connect authentically with others. It starts with learning self-awareness, maintaining a strong value system that serves us, and having the emotional intelligence to move through a whole spectrum of emotions so we can connect without attachment.

If you want the EQ tools to master your emotions and life an empowered life then, sign up to my newsletter for monthly insider tips on how to do this. My subscribers get access to free tutorials and are the first to know about exclusive offers on my Empower Yourself Program. If you’ll like to find out more about the workshops, training and tailored coaching packages I offer, head over to www.shereensoliman.com. 

With courage, Shereen x

Never Give Up

When I look back at my trauma recovery journey, my goal was always to get back to an adventurous, fearless and nomadic lifestyle with a clear and calm mindset. There was no plan B, or second best option because I knew that if I couldn’t get back to being ‘me’ (or a better version of ‘me’) then quite frankly I didn’t want to live at all. I’m not being dramatic when I write this, because there was a very real point throughout this journey when I went down that dark road and considered ending my life all together. I never wrote about it back then and I don’t talk about much now (apart from the public speech I did about it earlier this year to 150 people… which wasn’t daunting at all!!)

I got to that point of hopelessness when I wasn’t sure if I could overcome what had happened and I didn’t see the point of living my life through the cage of fear and not getting to achieve my dreams. In my eyes, the thought of existing through fear rather than living fearlessly wasn’t a life worth living to me. That’s when leaving the planet all together seemed like a viable option. Luckily, I have the kind of psychologically educated support network who steered me away from these thoughts and believed in me even when I lost belief in myself. I owe my life to these people and for that I’m forever grateful.

So with plan B not being an option, I focused on challenging myself to overcome every single trigger and every single fear to secure my goal of living fearlessly no matter what.

That means I’ve overcome panic attacks.

That I’m back to travelling solo, and talking to random people (inc men) in hostels again like they’re new friends, because they are.

That I’ve got the energy to work long hours that the yachting industry demands, while making sure that I put in the right boundaries and self care routines to take care of myself during the season.

That I am living nomadically, adventurously and with the full freedom to be curious about the world like I used to be.

That I have finally managed to be in a healthy romantic relationship with a man who is emotionally intelligent, kind and has the same goals and values as me.

That I am finally working as a life coach, public speaking and spreading my motivational message, because this is what I was put on this planet to do!

However, there are still many more steps for me to take until I reach my goal because although these accomplishments have got me back to living a ‘normal’ life, a ‘normal life’ is not one that I ever lived and it’s not one that I aspire to live moving forward either. I want to live an extraordinary life.

I want to travel to new places, try new activities and feel the freedom to put myself in new situations on a daily basis – rather than have the fear occasionally stop me in my tracks and pull me back from a new experience.

I want to be so open and vulnerable in my relationship that my partner and I feel connected like a team no matter what is thrown at us – rather than pushing away and closing off because the simple fact that he’s a man triggers the living daylights out of me

I want to have my solid sense of self-assuredness back constantly. That feeling that I used to have, that knowing that I can create anything I dream up, that the world is an abundance of limitless possibility that is open for my exploration and pleasure.

I want to experience all my dreams and goals as real life experiences so that I can look back with no regrets when I finally leave this planet. That I can look back at a legacy that I’ve create and know that I used my energy to contribute to a greater good that the planet needs.

This is why I’m not giving up. This is WHY I continue to challenge myself and reflect, and grow!

Even when a setback plummets me back to ground zero and I’m upset and exhausted and disorientated from the triggers and the thoughts. And when I’m not sure what thoughts in my head are reflective of the actual reality or the ptsd version that my brain likes to create. Or when I’m in so much heartache and pain and guilt at my own ptsdy reactive behaviour that I feel ashamed to face the people who witnessed it.

Because to give up would mean to create an easy life, that’s comfortable and ‘normal’, and for me, that’s not a life worth living.

I’m on a mission to create a greater sense wellbeing for ourselves and the planet that we live on. To teach others how to connect authentically with themselves, so they can connect authentically with others. It starts with learning self-awareness, maintaining a strong value system that serves us, and having the emotional intelligence to move through a whole spectrum of emotions so we can connect without attachment.

If you want the EQ tools to master your emotions and life an empowered life thensign up to my newsletter for monthly insider tips on how to do this. My subscribers get access to free tutorials and are the first to know about exlusive offers on my Empower Yourself Program. If you’ll like to find out more about the workshops, training and tailored coaching packages I offer, head over to www.shereensoliman.com. 

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